For many of us, this day is just an important of a holiday as Independence Day, Labor Day or Christmas. Anyone with a great sense of humor loves April Fool’s Day, and lucky for us the Cardinals have some real comedians on the roster this year. I got a hold of my sources and found out what gags went down in the clubhouse today.
Albert Pujols shows up 10 minutes late in a wheelchair with several casts and various bandages. There is a collective holding of breath, and clinching of the butt cheeks by everyone in the room, until finally he shouts “Día de los Inocentes!!” and jumps out of the wheelchair ready to go. Immediately, everyone in the room changes their underwear.
David Freese strolls in about half an hour late with an empty Budweiser in his hands. After stumbling around for a while he finally eases the tension by calling ‘April Fool’s’, but only momentarily as Tony La Russa is then awkwardly forced to hide the bottle of wine he had taken out to share with Freese.
On the field, Matt Holliday begins throwing with Ryan Ludwick. Holliday is seen dropping every single one of Ludwick’s throws until finally Holliday says “Okay, okay, just kidding.” The Cardinals become furious when later in the day; Holliday drops a line drive in the game leading to a run.
Ryan Ludwick comes up with two outs and the Cards down by a run. Amazingly he comes through in the clutch and blasts a home run to tie the game. This would lead to a Cardinals rally, and we would take a five-run lead.
In the late innings Ryan Franklin has an intense warm-up and promptly strikes out the first two batters he faces on six straight pitches. He then turns to the dugout and tells everyone “Gotcha!!” then allows five consecutive extra base hits, three walks, a hit-batsman, and a grand slam.
Despite Franklin’s poor outing, the Cardinals are only down two runs, and up with two runners on comes Mr. Ludwick. He strikes out on three straight pitches. Upon returning to the dugout, he sees everyone sitting around looking extremely dejected. His only response: “Come on guys, you HAD to know that first homer in the clutch was a joke.” The Cards end up losing.
John Mozeliak bursts into the room after the game informing everyone that he had just acquired Mariano Rivera from the Yankees and that our closer role had finally been shored up. Mozeliak becomes extremely disappointed when no one falls for the gag because anyone stupid enough to believe that he actually made a move for a quality relief pitcher clearly doesn’t have the intelligence level needed to comprehend the rules of baseball.
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